


Listerine

by aquabee, strixiebusiness



Series: Candy Apple [3]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, and is oblivious to vaggie's feelies, angel is a pansexual, angel seems like a pressuring asshole, behold all my headcanons here, but he and charlie are both pieces of shit, charlie likes nerds, charlie meets some friends, i like my AU, i mean y'all know what you're expecting, i was listening to squeaky clean, i was so stuck on what to write for awhile, its not really non-con cause nothing happens, let me love my au, one sided chaggie cause charlie sees vaggie more as a friend, pansexual angel dust, she owns a i heart nerds shirt doesn't she
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:42:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23764798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquabee/pseuds/aquabee, https://archiveofourown.org/users/strixiebusiness/pseuds/strixiebusiness
Summary: the candy apple squad assembles.
Relationships: Alastor/Charlie Magne, Angel Dust/Charlie Magne, Charlie Magne/Vaggie
Series: Candy Apple [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1683622
Kudos: 24





	Listerine

A proper visitation day, not just a skim without somehow running into someone besides her new business partner, at the moment Alastor had let in the princess along with two people he wasn’t expecting, a pink spider who looked surprisingly threatening in a large trench coat that nearly matched his full height, reaching the top his legs, he stood close to the blonde - and somebody else stood closer, a white haired moth with a sad look to her, baggy blue sweater, slightly over sized jeans. Which due to the current style of the times, it was a bit odd to see a woman wearing jeans and they weren't giving her hips a proper hug!

Judging by the way she hung onto Charlie, the two must’ve been romantically involved…

_How unfortunate for him_. 

“Well, I see you brought company, Miss Magne-” 

“It’s _Charlie_ to you, we’re working together, you might as well call me by my name.” 

“Right, _Charlie._ And who are your friends?” 

The plump demon was starting to feel like he’d begun to sweat under the glare of the white haired one.

“Oh! This is my…” The blonde took a glimpse at Angel, her rosy cheeks grew a little pinker. 

“ _Friend._ He’s my _friend_ , Angel Dust.” 

They were a little more than friends, they slept together on numerous occasions. 

Did Charlie feel something there romantically? No, not really. He was an attractive guy, and he had some skill when it came to bedroom activities and he was a good friend of hers, but they really didn’t have much else going in a relationship department outside of friends who have intercourse.

“And this,” she gestured to the girl giving the deer demon a death glare, “is my other friend, _Vaggie_.” 

Hesitantly, Alastor held his hand out, extending it towards the lesser threat of the two - that didn’t mean she didn’t scare him into wanting to wet his pants with that look but she didn’t look like she could kill him with one punch - for a hand shake. Surprisingly after a few seconds of cold staring, his hand was met with one much smaller than his own in both width and length but with the grip of at least two dozen body building men. The grip was so tight he couldn’t free his hand as she stared him in the eyes, pulling him down to her level, 

“I’m watching you.”

To Vaggie, anybody was a challenge for her dear Charlie’s attention. She knew that she was just a friend for now but had hope for the future that maybe she would be a little more than friends with the blonde, now that would be the dream. The two of them, on dates, holding hands, kissing. If Vaggie had expressed her feelings maybe by now, she would have gotten there, but no, she’ll only strongly hint at them, by which I mean, she doesn’t hide it at all. 

Upon freeing the man’s sweaty hand, she had a snide comment to make about his ability to shake hands, “ _Sus manos son como tocar un pez muerto._ ” 

The male couldn’t understand a single word the girl had just said but he was pretty sure he heard something about his hand and considering he could feel the wetness seeping through his glove, he was quick to wipe his hand on his shirt. 

He held his not so sweaty hand out to the arachnid, who ignored him, which just alerted Al to put that thing back where it came from.

“Well, this way.” He was afraid, very afraid.

Leading them down the hall of his disaster of a hotel, they found themselves in an empty staff room, rustling coming from the closet.

“Where are they!?” 

A high pitched panicked voice spoke from the closet as the sound of plastic bottles hitting the wooden floors seemed to be repeated on a loop of fourteen times. A sigh escaped the red haired demon as he pinched the bridge of his nose, on all the days she had to decide to stop being clean, she had to choose the day that important people would be visiting? 

He opened the closet door slowly whilst offering the princess an apologetic smile which charmed her into giving a gentle and reassuring smile back. The door revealed a small yellow demon scurrying up the walls of the cleaning closet lock a cockroach. 

“I can smell those pills! Where are they!?” 

She had nearly pushed a whole bottle of listerine onto the floor but thankfully caught it in time. 

The plump demon used the time that she was leaning down to catch the mouthwash to scoop her into his arms like a toddler. She popped open the bottle of listerine and began to chug. 

“This is Niffty. She's the housekeeper and someone I’ve been _trying_ to treat.” That tone on “trying” was mostly directed at the little demon to let her know she’s messed up and will be getting a talking to later - along with some more therapy, most likely. She hated therapy, talking about her past was not something she was ready to do, nor was it something she wanted to do. Alastor of course understood the difficulties in accepting one’s sins, he had to struggle everyday with the desire to partake in carnage. The desire to consume. The desire to give into his wild side. But it didn’t mean that it could just be neglected, it’d only continue the problems, although he was a bit hypocritical for not wanting to share his own past for the fear that it could make him seem as though he wasn’t really fit for the job he’s decided to take on.

Niffty stuck her tongue out like a rude child at the crowd of strangers, this was seen as a mere adorable act like childish behaviour to Charlie who giggled softly whereas Angel and Vaggie were less than pleased with the choice of greeting that the yellow one had for them. 

“Is she your daughter?” 

“What? Oh no, no, no! I don’t have any children, Miss Mag- _Charlie._ ” 

He corrected himself toward the end of his sentence. 

Although, due to Niffty’s small size and immature behaviour, he certainly loved to consider her like his child. 

He placed her down, “Run along now, dear, I’ve got rooms to show these people.”

In response, Niffty kicked his shins and ran off with a half empty bottle of mouthwash. 

“Charming, isn’t she?” He commented with a grin as he held one of his legs to rub an aching shin. For a tiny gal, she kicked hard!

Alastor began leading the group to where he’d provide them with keys to their own private rooms considering people living there as staff versus people who are trying to get help would need to be separated and it’d only be polite to offer them - especially Charlie - their own proper rooms. Not just a temporary usage but a permanent second home. 

While he was doing that, snores and the scent of alcohol had driven the princess and her regular hookup in the trench coat to curiosity to where they found a sleeping feline in a stained undershirt with a bit of a beer gut passed out in an old and beat up chair. 

“Do you dare me ta’ wake his ass?”

“Angel, no. He might try to crack one of those bottles on our heads.” 

“I’m doin’ it anyways, doll, it ain’t like you can stop me.” 

“Oh really?” She raised a brow. 

A knowing smirk crossed Angel’s lips, he knew where this was going, “You wanna go play back seat bingo back in tha’ car or should we try an’ find a quiet place?” 

His hands pulled her close to the point that her face was near his chest as she looked up at him, their bodies pressed together, he allowed his arms to to feel her a bit, as though he was eyeballing her with his hands.

“I’m not in the mood for any of that, we just shouldn’t wake this guy, okay? Now c’mon, Al’s plan is going to be a gangbuster.” 

“Ya givin’ me tha’ royal shaft? C’mon, Blondie, just a lil’ bit, we don’t have to go all tha’ way.”

“Look, we’ll do it later, okay? I just want to actually look around this place so I can help Al.”

“Are you really blowin’ me off for a square?”

“Just because you’re _you_ and like the things _you_ like doesn’t mean he’s a wet rag.” 

“Sure, you just tell yaself that.” 

“Look, he razzes my berries, I think he’s sweet.” 

Their conversation eventually woke up the third member sat he sat up from his likely twelve hour nap, rubbing his eyes, the first thing he did was stare the two strangers, “Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m Charlie and this is-” 

“The square’s girlfriend an’ someone ya don’t need ta’ know about.”

“I’m not Al’s girlfriend-” 

“Ya sure? Didn’t ya say he razzes yer berries?” 

“Yeah, _as a friend_ , he razzes my berries, as a _friend_!” 

Their third wheel could not handle this, it was like listening to two adolescent girls fight over something as dumb as a dress.

“I’m too fuckin’ old for this shit. Look, I don’t care if you’re fuckin’ Al, or if you’re fuckin’ each other, just go do it quietly an’ away from me.” 

**Author's Note:**

> me depending on google translate so i can try to get grammar right for vaggie? likely
> 
> i'm half mexican but y'all i don't speak a lick of spanish, i just know enough to understand mi abuelita but that's only in understanding rather than speaking and i can't write it for shit anyways what vaggie should say is "his hands are like touching a dead fish" in regards to how moist and sweaty they are 
> 
> my niffty for this verse has been through molestation and therefore she's more childlike as a way to cope and it's also responsible for her appearance in hell also because of this, i used the underage tag because it'll be brought up in the future.
> 
> definitions for my 50s slang!;
> 
> gangbuster(s) - something that's successful 
> 
> the royal shaft - to be put off or treated unfairly 
> 
> back seat bingo - making out, pretty much car sex 
> 
> wet rag - boring 
> 
> square - also boring 
> 
> razzing one's berries - excites/you just really like them A Lot


End file.
